Stepping In
By: Ashley Hickton
My best friend and I met 20 years ago. It was one of those meetings where you instantly knew that this was a friend for life. It wasn’t long after we met that our friendship quickly transpired into a sisterhood. She was the sister I never knew I needed. We’ve seen each other through happy times – she was there for the birth of my babies and has loved them as her own ever since. We’ve also been through deeply sad times – when her youngest daughter was diagnosed with cancer. We have truly walked through all seasons of life together.
Supporting a friend or a family on a journey such as this one can feel challenging because you want to help in any way you can, but it can be hard to know where the best place is to start or what the best thing is to do. Maybe you don’t feel like you have what the family needs in their time of crisis. Can I encourage you to not let this hold you back from stepping in and offering your support? There are lots of ways you can help a family through a crisis. Maybe it’s setting up a meal train, offering to cut their grass or taking care of their gardens.
I could see that the practical needs in this situation were being met, but as a mom myself and a close friend to the family, I wanted to insert a level of emotional care to the family. A need I felt I could help with was supporting the other kids during all the busyness. I knew amidst the doctor appointments and hospital stays that it would be important to my friend that her two older children at home felt secure and seen, even though their world looked vastly different. I remember thinking, “I can do this – these kids are so easy to love, I can show up for them.” I began to spend time with them consistently. Consistency is important to a family walking through a crisis, knowing that they can trust you to show up is so necessary. On our visits we would keep things fun. Fun in a crisis? Absolutely! Keeping things fun for the siblings at home expresses to them that it’s ok to still have fun amidst a family crisis. It gives them the permission to be the kids that they are. Playground visits, movie nights with special treats, board games and video games were at the top of our list.
Perhaps you find yourself in a similar situation where a friend or family member is currently walking through a crisis. A good reminder for us all is to put ourselves in the mindset of what you would be thinking of and need if it was you walking through that crisis. Then you can put that exact level of care you know you would need into practice.